The Resting Place

It is a common mistake among adults when they think that children do not grieve and are unable to understand about death entirely. As a result, they lie to the children in hopes that it would help them to cope.

In all honesty, children do grieve and before children are able to understand death rationally, they are able to respond to it emotionally. All they need is simple information and ample chances to clarify what they know and hear. Avoidance of talking to children about death, or even deceiving them about a particular death can lead children to experience more anxiety and distress than when they have been told the truth. When the children feel vulnerable, always assure that they are being loved and will be taken care of.

It is usually easier to introduce the topic of death to children when they are younger. Discussing less personal and more distant deaths may help them cope a little easier if and when it hits close to home.


Children Ages 3 – 7
Children at this age tend to understand death, but they see it as temporary.

Children Ages 8 – 11
Children at this age are more aware of the fact that everyone will die eventually and know the idea of death.

Children Ages 12 and Teens / Adults
There will be a realization of one’s own mortality and it can produce extreme anxiety

In a nutshell, always communicate with children and never leave them out in any discussion with regards to death, fearing that they may never understand or if it is too complicated for them to comprehend.

• They need clear and simple information
• Pay attention to them
• Share feelings & reactions
• Ask them for their opinions
• Give them tasks to help them cope

Coping of A Death By HIV / AIDS
Grief affects the immune system, so anyone who is grieving is more prone to sicknesses. Those who are suffering from HIV / AIDS are particularly vulnerable. The discomfort, fear and stigma surrounding HIV / AIDS can lead to the isolation of those grieving from a death from AIDS. Trying to cover up the cause of death, which was due to AIDS, can make difficult grief work complicated. Take care of one’s health and wellbeing while grieving.

Helping Someone To Cope With A Death
Grief is a natural response to a loss of a loved one or a friend. Every individual has his / her own way of grieving and it takes a fair amount of time. No one knows exactly how long a person will grief as circumstances leading to the death can be a factor as well. Till then, always be sensitive to the needs of the grieving person the few weeks after the death of his / her friend or loved one.

An Employee
Respect the employee’s privacy and refrain from probing of details when the person is not willing to share
Communicate with the employee asking him / her what he / she needs (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically). Grieving is hard work and can be a tiring process. Allow the grieving employee the flexibility of time to work and grief.

Death of An Employee

• Anticipate the changes and effects that will occur from the loss of the employee
• Allow co-workers the opportunity to grieve the loss.
• Be attentive to the replacement as co-workers may react in a negative manner towards the new worker.

A Fellow Co-worker

• Allow the privacy for the grieving co-worker
• Communicate with the grieving co-worker and offer to help him / her in any way you can
• Help the co-worker by being flexible and help take on some of his / her workload temporarily while he / she grieves.
• Understand that the co-worker may change in behavior and personality due to reaction to death and subsequent grieving

What To Do

• Ask about their loss
• Ask how you can help him / her
• Don’t add extra burdens on the grieving individual
• Keep in touch with them because they will need a listening ear when the grieving process gets harder and overwhelming
• Find out what they want and what they need
• Respect their privacy if they do not wish to talk
• Offer encouragement

What Doesn’t Help
Almost everyone will feel a sense of sympathy or empathy when there is a loss. Unfortunately, not everyone knows what to say even though the heart means well. Sometimes, words of encouragement can just come out so wrong.

“Don’t cry”
Saying that to a grieving person might be taken as it’s so wrong to be expressing one’s emotions to the loss. It prevents the person from grieving effectively if that is the person’s way of grieving.

“You’ll feel better if you have a good cry”
Some people’s style of grieving isn’t crying and saying that might make them think that they aren’t grieving the right way and may cause anxiety.

“You must be strong”
This might make the grieving person feel that he / she shouldn’t give in to his / her emotions and grieve and just pick up the pieces and move on. This will not help in the grieving process as well as the person’s wellbeing.

“You’ll have other children”
While many may say this in hopes of this being an encouragement and an optimism for the grieving parent when they lose a young child, they do not realize that their words are insensitive and make it seem that the child is not precious enough and that it can be replaced any time. Some roles can never be filled

“You’ll get married again”
Like the previous entry, this is meant as an encouragement and an optimism for the grieving widow / widower due to the loss of their spouse. By their words, however sincere, they do not grasp the special union the couple had shared prior to the death and brush it off like they love they shared is easily replaceable by someone else. Some roles can never be filled.

“You must be so relieved that he’s / she’s not suffering anymore.”
A typical line that is probably commonly heard when a loved one dies from a bout of long and severe sickness. While it is true that when a Christian dies, he / she is very much more alive and in Heaven and we rejoice that he / she is not feeling any pain anymore. But there is still a loss in a physical sense and it still hurts.

“It is God’s Will”
This line can seem insensitive for those who are grieving. If a person died by suicide or a tragic road accident, it might make grieving members think that God means ill and He wants to take those, whom the members love, home before they could enjoy their companionship fully. If a person was stricken by sickness, they might think that God gave them sickness because it was His will. It is a rather dangerous way of thinking of how God works.

“I know exactly how you feel”
Another typical line heard by so many. People say this in hopes of showing the grieving members that they understand what they are going through. But honestly, they don’t. Each person’s grief is different from one another and say that one knows how the other feels is not acknowledging the other person’s actual feelings.